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July 25, 2011
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I was sitting silently on the edge of my bed. I stood up and watched out of the window, the wind
and rain was just crazy. Wind bending the trees to their braking point and rain just pouring down. All
of a suddenly all of it went quiet. I could only hear clock ticking. Click-Clack. And then blinding bright
light flashed over the sky. I was blinded by it and i turned away. Trying to get some sight back. I
rubbed my eyes and as i turned my head back up. Wind had broken one of the trees and it was
falling right into my window. My pupils dilated and i turned away. It all seemed to happen in slow
motion. I took to steps and i jumped out of the way. Tree came with such a force that it shattered
the windows of the entire floor. There were screaming and moaning.
When i opened my eyes it was morning, i was covered in shrapnel of the house. Tree had
demolished half of the wall. I stood up and swept myself clean. I noticed that my clock had stopped
working. I just thought it was because of a tree. I checked my wristwatch and it didn't work either. I
tried to boot up my computer but it didn't work either. I started to panic a little. It seemed the none
of the electric devices weren't working. I took my phone just in case, my knife and flashlight. I tried
to open the door but it was jammed, it was one of those electrical doors so why it should work when
everything else is down. So i tried to pull it open. Single stupid thing I've ever done. I pulled on the
handle and i broke. I slipped on the water soaked floor, almost felling out of the window. I pulled
myself up. I managed to break of a leg of the table. I tried to wedge open the door. No use. I looked
around and o saw a hatch in the ceiling. I took everything that i could find, made it to a pile and tried
to climb up. But it was locked. I climbed down and i almost gave up. Until i saw a hammer under the
rubble. I went to the door and started to beat the crap out of it. And amazingly it worked, door
opened. I stepped out, everything seemed strangely quiet. I had a feeling the something wast quite
right. I started running towards exit. I pushed open the door and there was really bight outside. I
looked around and there were no people. It seemed like everybody just vanished. Cars just stood in
the middle of the road peoples thing were laying around. I panicked and jumped into my car. At least
the car is working i thought to myself. I raced out of there, everywhere i looked there were empty
cars, building. There were nobody. I just drove and drove until i reached the Leaving Las Vegas sign. I
came out of the car and looked upon the city and it was empty. No people, no birds, no nothing. Just
emptiness. I got down on my knees and yelled „What is going on here". After a while i stood up i
hear something. Like a helicopter sound. I ran towards it. Over the hill and i stopped. What i saw i
couldn't believe it. I closed and opened my eyes again. There it was, a huge ship about 350 - 400
meters in length hovering over the dunes. The ship looked like a big bundle of spikes. But the thing
was, I have seen that ship before and i knew that that wasn't good, if they were here. So I stepped
back and i fell off the hill. I rumbled down the hill and got on my feet and rushed to my car. I drove
to the nearest gun shop i could find, broke the window and stepped inside. I grabbed guns: M4,
M16, .50 Cal Rifle, couple of shotguns and grenades, and a lot of ammo. I noticed that it had gone
dark, too dark for the time of the day, it almost felt like and eclipse. I tapped my watch couple of
times and it still didn't work. But that was impossible because it didn't run on electricity, it was a
special kind of watch. So i packed up all the things, threw them into the trunk and drove to nearest
building. I took my things and barricaded myself on the top floor. I had a clear overview of the
entrance.
I was woken up by some sound, I opened my eyes and look out the window. I didn't see anything. I
got went out of the room to find some food. When i closed my door, there were some people
walking in the hallway. I panicked and aimed at one guy. „Who are you?" He looked me like i was
crazy man and answered „I'm the cleaner".
Cleaner: „Now just relax, put down the gun and lets talk.
Me: „What are you doing here, whats going on?"
Cleaner: „You're in a Hotel, no need to point guns"
Me: „Wha..
Security guards tackled me from behind and they hit me so hard that i passed out. I woke up in a
cell, my head hurt like somebody had hit it with a hammer. Could it be , could it be just a dream..i
wondered. A police officer came to me and said.
Police officer: „So you're the guy who randomly points guns huh? Do you even have a license to
that?"
Me: „No, whats going on here?"
Police officer: „Your were probably drunk and got that weapon somewhere and tried to kill a hotel
cleaner, that's what is going on here."
Could it just been my imagination, no, no that was too real. My past coming to hunt me.
Me: „No i wasn't drunk, i can explain..
I didn't even finish that sentence until a bomb exploded in police station. The shock wave blew me
against the wall and i lost consciousness. To be continued.
:iconkigents:
Ok this is a first chapter of my story.
Just started writing so dont be too hard..
Thought i love sci-fi so ill try to make some of my own.

I dont have a title yet, but its coming.
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:iconthatguymurix:
Mood: Satisfied ~ThatGuyMurix Jun 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Looking forward to the next part
Reply
:iconnovelist888:
I am looking for writers, who are interested in science-fiction.
Reply
:iconmethemac:
~Methemac Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting story. I'm curious to find out what happens next.

Supportive critique: I noticed that you are from Estonia. Is english your first language? There were a number of gramatical errors in the story. Grammer, for the most part, isn't crucial for a good, enjoyable story, but it can detract from the reading experience, or make it difficult to understand the story. Fortunately, it is also the easiest problem for a writer to fix.

I would be happy to take your piece and edit it, leaving comments on rules of english grammer for each edit i make. That way you can read my comments and improve your writing technique. If you think that would be helpful, let me know. I'll submit the edited version as a word document to your email.

Keep writing!
Reply
:iconkigents:
~kigents Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, English isnt my first language. Yeah there are probably lots of grammar errors.

Sure it wouldnt hurt to correct errors.
Reply
:iconmethemac:
~Methemac Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I could tell simply because the errors made weren't the usual errors made by writers, more like the errors made by foreign speakers. I speak portuguese as a second language, so I remember well what that's like. Congrats on writing a story in a different language. That's way hard to do, so give yourself a pat on the back.

I'll do the edit as soon as I can.
Reply
:iconsenlienz:
Writing in a different language isn't hard. Writing in that language and not committing any mistakes, be they grammar or syntax, now THAT'S hard.

@kigents: I suggest you just open MSword (or any similar text editor with grammar check), copy/paste the whole thing and let it get the syntax done. As for grammar... well, English isn't my first language, but it's a matter of practice. Ask friends that DO have what language you're writing in to read it, just so they can point out any minor thing you might have missed.
I liked the text, though, it's easy to read. Keep it up.
Reply
:iconmethemac:
~Methemac Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
it can't display on my browser. Maybe submit your work as text, not as a file. I learned that the hard way. Then again I don't know. I'll check back later and see if its working.
Reply
:iconkigents:
~kigents Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Now its text, hope you like it.:)
Reply
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